My lover wants to get married and I don’t, she thinks marriage makes sense and that it is the most practical solution to meeting our needs both financially and emotionally I see that it has all the responsibilities without all of the privileges. She has been married before and I have not. I am happy to arrange our financial assets in other ways, such as joint ownership or as a trust, but I am uneasy about the whole archetype of marriage. I’m afraid my lover will leave me if I don’t marry her...
Help
Dear Help,
ReplyDeleteYou have a marriage minded girlfriend which is not surprising as marriage was drummed into our little heads since day one. She sees marriage as proof of your commitment, and such vows are to be seriously considered and kept. One logical argument that may help you is to point out that domestic partners don’t actually get the same rights and as privileges as married heterosexual couples. The Lambda Legal Defense, finds that 1,400 legal rights are given to heterosexual married couples in the United States that are not inherent in domestic partnerships.
Do you currently live in a country or state that that recognizes same sex marriage? Since 2001, ten countries have legalized same sex marriage; Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, and Sweden. In the US In the United States, same-sex marriages are not recognized federally, though same-sex couples can marry in six of the fifty states and one district.
Same sex marriage licenses are granted by these six states; Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, and Vermont, and Washington, D.C. and Oregon's Coquille and Washington state's Suquamish Indian tribes. Washington and Maryland have also passed laws to grant same-sex marriage licenses in 2012, but each may be delayed or derailed by November 2012 voter referenda.
Only you know if you really ready for and want to make this commitment, but I do think you have a right to know what your commitment entails, both emotionally and financially. Marriage is an archetype, which means it is s a universally understood symbol, term, or pattern of behavior,. There are many expectations and responsibilities that come with marriage. People marry for many reasons, including legal, social, sexual, emotional, financial, spiritual, and spiritual reasons.
I find the archetype of marriage daunting. I spent most of my life trying to escape from the prototype of regular heterosexual marriage. I’m sorry to say that I do not personally know of one happily married couple. However the brave same sex married couples that do get married may breathe new life and love light to the concept of marriage.
Best Luck & Wishes
Love,
Sappho