Were Lesbians more romantic in your time? I am so disappointed with the overall consciousness and emotional maturity of most lesbians I meet. I’m not expecting a superior caste of woman but I was hoping for kindness, awareness, self-actualization and last but not least some hot romance. The kind of romance I’m talking about involves flowers, poetry, wine, slow long kisses and a deeper higher form of love.
I don’t want my relationship to be a reasonable facsimile of a mediocre heterosexual marriage. I want true love, true romance and deep connections. When I look out at the motley crew of lesbians available for dating I see some real miscreants, who I would not even want to be friends with - let alone lovers or life partners. Am I being unrealistic or are there some sweet romantic lesbians like me out there looking for the same thing. I may need a reality check….
Dear Reality Check.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not easy being a high-minded, old soul, romantic lesbian poet who loves romance. I mean it is easy in the sense that one must be true to one’s self and if that is who You are then be true to your self. However that is not who every one is or who everyone wants to be.
The problem comes with who we expect others to be.
Lesbians were no more or less romantic, kind or self actualized in my time than they are now. Romance is no more hotter, sweeter, or deeper now than it has ever been. Marriage has become the archetype of long lasting committed love relationships. I think that when women define and bound their relationship to this archetype they are committing to an ideal fostered and defined by the Church, putting society’s, men’s, and children’s needs over the emotional content of the love connection.
I can appreciate that you did not mention marriage in your letter so I assume you are talking about a true love emotional connection defined by the quality of romance. Here is the Wikipedia definition, “Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person. Historically, the term "romance" originates with the medieval ideal of chivalry as set out in its Romance literature.”
I am curious as to whether you bring flowers, wine and poetry on your dates or if you expect someone else to magically make your fantasies come true. Getting to know your lover is key in making mutual fantasies come true. I believe love is a vibrational connection and you are either attracted, repulsed or indifferent to people who do not resonate with you.
I’ll tell you a little secret, lovers who excel; at this stellar kind of romance and who are also self actualized are few and far in between. You know the saying, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I think the answer to your quest is to be the kind of love you hope to see in this world. As I stated in the last asksappho letter – the thing about love is it’s an inside job. The thing often overlooked about love is that it is better to feel love than be loved. Only then is the love inside yours. Romance is not love but a variation on love. It is an ideal with which one approaches love according to one’s expectations and vibrational level. It sounds as though you have not found someone who matches your intent, vibration or expectation of romantic love. It’s also possible that if you did - there might be other unmet needs.....
(To be continued in next comment)
Truly yours
Sappho
Dear Reality Check (continued)
ReplyDeleteFinding one’s soul mate or true romantic mate may be a fool’s game if you have a partner who is a true companion and although lacking in romance is supportive and loving in other satisfying ways that enhances your life. Getting to know prospective lovers and discussing these kinds of romantic ideals might save you from an unromantic ordeal.
True love that meets all needs, expectations, desires and ideals may not be a reasonable goal.
Finding a true meeting ground sounds more reasonable to me. In Queer Theory we are a under represented group who has not had the privilege of openly expressing our affections and desires. That’s bound to cast a bloody pall on the dating process.
What you are looking and hoping for is possible if you look in the right places. Old soul, evolved, emotionally mature lesbians do exist on the planet. How you find them depends on your interests, desires, and emotional maturity. Romance is different from a long lasting love relationship, romance is the gift and charm one brings to such a relationship. So dust off your gown or Tux and bring flowers, wine and poetry to your next love session. You may find reciprocal fulfillment.
No one is born to fulfill another person’s dreams, we are all born to fulfill our own and share them with lovers we honor and delight in. Raise the notch on your fantasies by making them come real in tandem with a worthy lover who you adore. And don’t be so disillusioned about love for Aphrodite’s sake, it’s not a casting call for a perfect romantic lead, it’s the play itself that counts most. How you act, feel, respond, is all under your control. Work on that first and make sure you fulfill your own needs - it will only make you more attractive to the type of woman you are seeking.
Sing, dance, love, kiss, caress, and bring flowers, poetry, and wine. Play love feel love embrace love - all within yourself as your own self-actualization first and you won’t have to look far. May Aphrodite inspire you and bless you with the love you are seeking.
Love,
Sappho