Dear Sappho,
I thought my lover and I would be together forever, 10 years so far. She recently asked me to marry her again. Last week she left me while I was at work. The night before we made passionate love until midnight when she asked me to make her a favorite meal in spite of me having to be at work 7 AM the next day.
While I was at work she called three times and begged me to come home early. When I arrived home that evening I thought we had been robbed, then I realized that only her stuff was missing. She left me an eight-page letter telling me how much she loved me, was in love with me, and wanted to remain monogamous. I don’t believe her but I desperately want her back. I am confused, angry, hurt and I need some advice, the pain is incredible and I’m not sure how to proceed.
While I was at work she called three times and begged me to come home early. When I arrived home that evening I thought we had been robbed, then I realized that only her stuff was missing. She left me an eight-page letter telling me how much she loved me, was in love with me, and wanted to remain monogamous. I don’t believe her but I desperately want her back. I am confused, angry, hurt and I need some advice, the pain is incredible and I’m not sure how to proceed.
Betrayed
Dear Betrayed,
ReplyDeleteWhat ever you do, do not rush into action; this is no time for rash behavior, or for being a victim. Did you answer her question about getting married? Are you guilty of infidelity or emotional callousness? Sounds like here is something going on below the surface that you are unaware of. You need Aphrodite’s help and I hope you will ask her for it.
If you can take a six month break from your relationship - please consider it. Only time can heal this wound and give you the proper perspective. This is the kind of situation that requires therapy and I recommend you get individual therapy first, and after you are able to rationally discuss what happened, get couples therapy if a reunion seems possible.
My advice is: do not beg or cry in front of her, do not threaten or try to bribe her back, or make unrealistic promises in an attempt to keep her. Indifference may work better than any of these tactics. Relationships are like water they flow to their own level, if one is patient with fate. Love that is meant to be finds a way, while relationships that have served their purpose move on, change and evolve.
Even though you are now separated, it doesn’t mean you will lose her. Some of my best friends are ex lovers. The important thing is that you do not wound yourself more in your grieving process. Remember some of Aphrodite’s best gifts are unanswered prayers. Who knows what your future destiny with her is? One day you may thank your lucky stars that your life changed in ways you were not prepared for. In the meantime, nurture yourself, take care of your self, love your self and be yourself as much as possible. Your own happiness is the best cure.
I wish you both the best,
Love Sappho