Dear Sappho,
I’ve noticed that every time my girlfriend talks to one of her friends the tone of her voice changes. She sounds like she is flirting to me - but she denies that she is flirting or that she has any feelings like that for her friend. Do some lesbians change the tone of their voice when flirting? How can you tell?
I’ve noticed that every time my girlfriend talks to one of her friends the tone of her voice changes. She sounds like she is flirting to me - but she denies that she is flirting or that she has any feelings like that for her friend. Do some lesbians change the tone of their voice when flirting? How can you tell?
Dear I Can Tell,
ReplyDeleteThe tone we use to communicate with others often speaks volumes more than the words we use. Just as the eyes reveal through dilation and sparkle, your voice reveals your emotions. One can hear and recognize love, desire, respect, disdain or disrespect. A few people have consciously developed flirting tones, but most people subconsciously adjust the tone of their voice to either mask or unmask their emotions. Articulation and expression are also key elements to communicating intention.
When straight women flirt with men their voices frequently become softer and higher pitched, while men flirt with lower and slower tones. Of course these are stereotypical sexual identity roles that do not take gender identity and expression into consideration. Lesbians may do either depending on their personal style and attributes.
Some flirting experts recommend matching your tone to the one you are flirting with. One recommends practicing saying hello in a sexy voice while you imagine cuddling with the object of their desire. In this exercise you are forbidden to say anything but hello when what you really want to say is how beautiful, and desirable she is. Once the tone is mastered you are free to fly under the radar or gaydar of using the actual words.
Friendly tones may be mistaken for flirting by some, just as flirting is sometimes mistaken for friendliness. Eventually, through trail and error most people are able to sort out the difference between the two. If the person is there in the flesh, watch their body language for clues. Both sexes are known to preen while flirting by adjusting their clothes or touching their face and hair..
Lesbians may move closer, laugh and smile a lot, make longer eye contact or say your name often because they savor the sound of it. They are likely to drop their tone an octave and become more intimate. Playful teasing and light touching are also nice when discrete, too much too soon is often unwelcome and makes some women uncomfortable Be aware that your voice frequently mimics your body mannerisms. That’s how we can see a smiling voice over the phone. Phone flirting perfects the voice flirting technique - sometimes you can just hear the honey dripping from the hive.
Warning, people may think they hear flirting where there is no conscious or unconscious intent whatsoever. I’m not sure if you actually hear flirting, if you are assuming, if your girlfriend is actually flirting or if you are the jealous type. Maybe she just loves her friend, you hear the love and it makes you uncomfortable. I recommend you flirt with her and do your own research.
Love,
Sappho